I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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