Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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