Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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