Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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