Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
