wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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