you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
