When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
