You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
