Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
