How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
