i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
