I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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