8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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