the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
