I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
