CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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