i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
