I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
