How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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