she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
