Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
