maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
