I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
