i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
