i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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