I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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