wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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