Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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