is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
