It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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