I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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