the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
