he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
