I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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