I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
