Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Damn victory sex feels great
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
