I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
