maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
