You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
