end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
