I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
