I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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