I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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