i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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