I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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