not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
