Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
