I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
