Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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