Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
should my penis look like a turkey
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
