Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
